Mwanaume strong

It’s been a year, precisely 12 months, since I last penned my thoughts here. A lot has transpired in my life during this period, and I can confidently say that the past year has been a steep learning curve. I’ve experienced highs and lows, fought battles on various fronts, but the most challenging ones were mental. On the 23rd of December 2022, a day that ironically marked one of my last moments of feeling genuinely “okay,” I decided to stop taking my medication. I was on two types of medication, one for anxiety and the other for major depression. I thought to myself, “I don’t need these medications. I can fight this like a man.” Little did I know that this decision would plunge me into a nine-month-long battle with severe depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, an eating disorder, self-destruction, and hopelessness. The first three months were spent in denial, but I could sense the impending downfall of my mental health. By March, everything took shape. I began to feel dif...

 It is one of those typical mundane Monday evenings. I take a seat, and the clock reads three minutes past seven in the P.M. Before me, a plate of rice, coconut fish stew, sweet corn, and peas washed down by a cup of hot cocoa. There is commotion in the master's my mom is busy getting ready for her up tenth yoga class. Yes, she practices yoga, I have been asked this a couple of times; Bikram yoga to be precise not the exclusive-only in Westlands but the more welcoming and benign one at Lavington mall. She urges me to join her. " Nigel, I was reading some articles yesterday and they explained that Yoga has been proven to elevate your mood and improve your mental health, it is also...."  "No thank you," I say almost forthwith," I hate the heat and I am not one to be guilt-tripped". This is not my story, neither is it my  mom's; this is Mutinda's a man as mysterious as they get, he is not your typical cognitive miser. As I enjoy my ass...

Photo by Ahmed on Unsplash   What’s that dear reader? Wait another story? Okay, only this one, then I must go; I must go and be alone for I have a newfound strength in solitude. You enter the ominous aristocratic setup; a grand building greets you at the entrance and a forbidding doorbell glares at you as if daring you to press it. You are then greeted by a shrewd fellow; the building’s secretary. Sometimes it’s a simple wave, other times it’s the usual smile that strangers familiarize themselves with as they share the spite of catching the early worm in the wee hours of the morning. The paintings are peeling, and the pillars seem to rise and fall like a horse on a ghoulish carousel. You walk through the vestibule and a young fellow in a fitted and padded blazer walks past you with one hand in his pocket, looking down ardently trying to act as though they had never encountered you in their lifetime. This person is hiding something. Then another walks past, this time his pair o...

 As he sits in class earnestly trying his level best to focus his mind on the logic behind the cathode and its different components, his mind starts to wonder off to the fanciful world of wishful thinking almost effortlessly, and his efforts to bring his mind back to the mundane and bleak classroom setting seem lackluster at best. Kilonzo was already accustomed to his mind's histrionics, this was a habitual occurrence; after all, he had had such episodes where he could not pay attention to what was beforehand even after trying his ardent best.  He now gazes at the beautiful trees with birds hopping in and out from the vast and rich branches, adjacent to the classroom window. Then comes a thought accompanied by another afterward a secret impulse this time, it is overboard. He can see his feet shake dramatically, almost creating a tune in harmony with the background noise of the overheating computer. Nevertheless, no one notices such things but him.  He now turn...

Not her dark lips that prove all hallmarks of years and years of weed and cigarette smoking(not too dark to call for attention), neither her plump countenance that always wears a ready smile that reveals the fan of lines beneath her eyes nor her complexion, a cross between stirred dark chocolate and red clay, and indeed not the epicanthic fold of her eyes that make holes on everything she looks at can make you understand the battle in her mind. Omwana is simply the eighth wonder of the world, however, she does not know this, which makes it even more thrilling.  Every guy wanted to make acquaintance with her, however, she was the typical dictionary definition of "independent" She was society's feminist always taking her stance and sharing her views on myriads of topics especially those about affirmative action and how men's goods compared to female were sold at half the price; even a can of deodorant, which comprises similar ingredients for both men and wom...

T he male perspective on mental health is one that is often overlooked. Men are less likely to seek help for their mental illnesses, and when they do, they are less likely to be successful in the long term. We need to change the way we view men and mental health in order to see change within the male perspective.   The society that creates mental illness has a lot of negative connotations surrounding it. When we talk about mental illness, we often think of depression or anxiety disorders. But there are so many more types of mental illnesses out there that are neglected because they don't fit into the same framework as depression or anxiety disorders. These illnesses include posttraumatic stress disorder, schizophrenia, eating disorders, dissocial disorders and neurodevelopment disorders. Since time immemorial, men have been told to behave in a certain way that portrays them as paragons of emotional stability, impervious to any illness that might even display the slighte...

Body-"the physical structure, including the bones, flesh, and organs, of a person or an animal."  I believe that the body is the soul's driver, it is the essence of life, driving us to achieve our daily goals. Before this year, I was in the blues about "self-care and self-love". These words all seemed alien to me, of course before, I found healing through taking care of my body and mind. Maybe you might not understand what self-love and self-care entail, but they are the rather effortless practice that you might already be accustomed to.  For me, self-care entails a conglomerate of entities; both physical and mental. Below is a list of daily practices that form part of my self-care routine. * Daily meditation- this helps me center my mind and generally relax my body by releasing all muscles and ligament tension. * Daily exercise- Helps with muscular development and mental grit. * GratitudeJournaling- List down 3 things that you are grateful for throu...

Disclaimer, I am neither a mental health professional nor a mental health expert. My suggestions are solely based on my own experiences in handling anxiety . Battle in my mind. A common statement used to define what it means to struggle with anxiety. This holds factual, especially among men. As stated earlier, the vast populace of boys and men, find it rather taxing to open up about their internal struggles. Silence means approval. It simply means that you consent to anxiety's belligerent demands.  Maybe you might have not thought of it like this; quite understandable. I think this is what African society has taught men. " As a man you are; at any cost, not allowed to display your feelings, emotions, and struggles to the public."  "Men don't cry!" "You are the man of the house, what will your sisters do if you act like this?" "Man up!" All these repugnant and offensive remarks have been used several times, especially to boys w...

Self-care is  the act of taking care of oneself both physically or mentally without any health- professional help, a term used attributively; "I had a tough day so I'm going to use the next four hours for self-care." Self-care has existed since time immemorial. However, it has been predominantly and quite ostensibly practiced by the female species. Hence, men have always affiliated the term with ladies, not knowing that they, also, are in dire need of a bit of self-love and self-care. I think until recently, men have always had a retrogressive attitude towards "self-care". deeming it to portray them as paragons of weakness; especially for society's so-called; "Alpha males". This has now been proven otherwise; as self-care has now been panned out to be rather integral in the healthy development of the human mind and body.  Few stoic men have practiced different forms of self-care. This is especially popular among athletes and the "Z...

Well  hello there! Welcome back to the "mwanaumestrong" blog. I hope this time we have spent away from each other has been nothing but productive if not healthy. In today's blog post, I would like to focus on a very minutely discussed topic; 'Toxic positivity'.  Well, for starters toxic positivity or positive toxicity is dysfunctional emotional management without the full acknowledgment of negative emotions, particularly anger and sadness.  It is prevalent, especially in African culture and more so; in Kenyan culture. I remember almost vividly when I finally decided to open up about some of my mental health issues, I received some impertinent remarks from a few fellows here and there; mostly elderly adults. These statements included: "being negative won't help you" - (.... thanks for the advice I think I should have known that by now), "good vibes only". (... seriously? even when I am having a depressive episode?), "Other p...

  I think death itself is the summary statement of one's predicament, and people usually come into its embrace, days and months before the barrel of a gun feels cold against one's tongue, its head mounted in a vantage position on the roof of the tongue, and from it; slightly acidic and pungent smelling gun oil, immaculately oozing or the calloused fingertips finally and lastly experiencing a rough feel of the rough metal between the bridge rails. Then it's "boom!"; rivers and rivers of blood, almost livid and ketchup-like, that it almost looks fake. Just to sum up, some people die before they experience death. " I was tired, I was weary, I was weak, I was worn". Scene; alliteration, that is what my powerful English teacher taught me. I use it to hide the hidden meaning of my poem. I use it quite ostensibly. The barbiturates I take to regulate my emotions have turned me into an insomniac. I had been awake almost the whole night pondering the w...

Welcome back to my Blog!  In today's post, I will be talking about the arduous and rocky journey in trying to combat depression and anxiety through therapy. The Journey began on February 13th 2022. Ironically, It was a Friday (spooky....I know). This was the day I first set foot in a psychologist's office. I had mixed feelings to say the least. I remember feeling quite anxious, my heart pounding and almost throbbing out of my chest. My futile attempts with self help from self help books; seemed lackluster. I couldn't hold it within me anymore. The water guard had slipped off my puny hands and collapsed, breaking into pieces just at the door step. The door step to my temple. I literally collapsed in prior episodes before this day.... filled with "zeal and zest". My benign mother alias " mayi " went in first as I remained transfixed to the car seat with a fatalistic expression, plastered on my visage. I can say, I allowed my mind to roam fleeti...

TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ I remember that day quite vividly. The day I thought I had finally drawn my last straw with a once happy and cheerful life. A sudden change, almost intransigent. My therapist says I have a very high intrapersonal intelligence (Individuals who are strong in intrapersonal intelligence are good at being aware of their emotional states, feelings, and motivations). Sometimes it's difficult for people to be aware of themselves and the vast changes taking place in their minds. For me, it all started when I lost a close friend and my dear and beloved grandmother -a once domineering matriarch who always found the inner strength to pull herself out of anything this life threw at her. As the very popular Beyoncé song goes; 'she was served lemons but she made lemonade'. RIP " Kukhu wanje ". All these culminated in me getting quite depressed and anxious. Death is like a phantom who haunts lonely roads, it always comes unexpected. One minute you a...

They bathe me. They bathe me with their love, they bathe me with their confidence, and they bathe me with their reassurance. They have stood me in great stead in my struggles with my mental health. They are magicians, they have pulled me back together, knot after knot after knot from my cut pieces. They have brought me an orchestra, they have made the man in doubt disappear. No one and I mean not a breathing soul can do it on their own. This is no rocket science. As men, it is sometimes; in simple terms; "mind-boggling" to open up about our issues. This is especially rampant in the "African Janadume" … better known as "mwanaume strongs" of society. I would now like to tell you... baptize those tears, dry your eyes, wear your 'big-boy pants, and seek HELP! I was once very frightened. The thought of opening up made my stomach churn. I mean, how would the patriarchal society view me? I simply did not want to be a social pariah. But I knew for ...

 Well hello there!!! Welcome to my blog where I try or we try to debunk myths and misconceptions about mental health, especially in men and teenage boys. Well, with my fair share of depression and anxiety, I have had an odyssey filled with stereotypes and derogatory statements from people whom I have interacted with. I wouldn't blame them, there was once a time I was quite in the mix about mental health and people who struggled with mental health. I think starting this blog was all about challenging some of these condescending statements and debunking myths about mental health. First of all, any person can struggle with their mental health. People have this notion that if you have broad shoulders, thick thighs, and "pompous abs" ...you simply cannot succumb to a mental frenzy. I think society has impacted our understanding of many things including such retrogressive notions. One thing people don't know is that mental health struggles can impact anyone and ...