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The Unseen Battle: A Year of Navigation

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It’s been a year, precisely 12 months, since I last penned my thoughts here. A lot has transpired in my life during this period, and I can confidently say that the past year has been a steep learning curve. I’ve experienced highs and lows, fought battles on various fronts, but the most challenging ones were mental. On the 23rd of December 2022, a day that ironically marked one of my last moments of feeling genuinely “okay,” I decided to stop taking my medication. I was on two types of medication, one for anxiety and the other for major depression. I thought to myself, “I don’t need these medications. I can fight this like a man.” Little did I know that this decision would plunge me into a nine-month-long battle with severe depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, an eating disorder, self-destruction, and hopelessness. The first three months were spent in denial, but I could sense the impending downfall of my mental health. By March, everything took shape. I began to feel dif
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Introverted Mutinda part 1

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 It is one of those typical mundane Monday evenings. I take a seat, and the clock reads three minutes past seven in the P.M. Before me, a plate of rice, coconut fish stew, sweet corn, and peas washed down by a cup of hot cocoa. There is commotion in the master's my mom is busy getting ready for her up tenth yoga class. Yes, she practices yoga, I have been asked this a couple of times; Bikram yoga to be precise not the exclusive-only in Westlands but the more welcoming and benign one at Lavington mall. She urges me to join her. " Nigel, I was reading some articles yesterday and they explained that Yoga has been proven to elevate your mood and improve your mental health, it is also...."  "No thank you," I say almost forthwith," I hate the heat and I am not one to be guilt-tripped". This is not my story, neither is it my  mom's; this is Mutinda's a man as mysterious as they get, he is not your typical cognitive miser. As I enjoy my ass
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HIGH- FUNCTIONING DEXTER [TRIGGER WARNING! This post mentions suicide.]

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Photo by Ahmed on Unsplash   What’s that dear reader? Wait another story? Okay, only this one, then I must go; I must go and be alone for I have a newfound strength in solitude. You enter the ominous aristocratic setup; a grand building greets you at the entrance and a forbidding doorbell glares at you as if daring you to press it. You are then greeted by a shrewd fellow; the building’s secretary. Sometimes it’s a simple wave, other times it’s the usual smile that strangers familiarize themselves with as they share the spite of catching the early worm in the wee hours of the morning. The paintings are peeling, and the pillars seem to rise and fall like a horse on a ghoulish carousel. You walk through the vestibule and a young fellow in a fitted and padded blazer walks past you with one hand in his pocket, looking down ardently trying to act as though they had never encountered you in their lifetime. This person is hiding something. Then another walks past, this time his pair of tr
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WORRY NOT KILONZO

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 As he sits in class earnestly trying his level best to focus his mind on the logic behind the cathode and its different components, his mind starts to wonder off to the fanciful world of wishful thinking almost effortlessly, and his efforts to bring his mind back to the mundane and bleak classroom setting seem lackluster at best. Kilonzo was already accustomed to his mind's histrionics, this was a habitual occurrence; after all, he had had such episodes where he could not pay attention to what was beforehand even after trying his ardent best.  He now gazes at the beautiful trees with birds hopping in and out from the vast and rich branches, adjacent to the classroom window. Then comes a thought accompanied by another afterward a secret impulse this time, it is overboard. He can see his feet shake dramatically, almost creating a tune in harmony with the background noise of the overheating computer. Nevertheless, no one notices such things but him.  He now turns his gaze
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OMWANA THE BIPOLAR FLOWER

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Not her dark lips that prove all hallmarks of years and years of weed and cigarette smoking(not too dark to call for attention), neither her plump countenance that always wears a ready smile that reveals the fan of lines beneath her eyes nor her complexion, a cross between stirred dark chocolate and red clay, and indeed not the epicanthic fold of her eyes that make holes on everything she looks at can make you understand the battle in her mind. Omwana is simply the eighth wonder of the world, however, she does not know this, which makes it even more thrilling.  Every guy wanted to make acquaintance with her, however, she was the typical dictionary definition of "independent" She was society's feminist always taking her stance and sharing her views on myriads of topics especially those about affirmative action and how men's goods compared to female were sold at half the price; even a can of deodorant, which comprises similar ingredients for both men and wom
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Male Perspective on Mental Health & The Society That Creates It

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T he male perspective on mental health is one that is often overlooked. Men are less likely to seek help for their mental illnesses, and when they do, they are less likely to be successful in the long term. We need to change the way we view men and mental health in order to see change within the male perspective.   The society that creates mental illness has a lot of negative connotations surrounding it. When we talk about mental illness, we often think of depression or anxiety disorders. But there are so many more types of mental illnesses out there that are neglected because they don't fit into the same framework as depression or anxiety disorders. These illnesses include posttraumatic stress disorder, schizophrenia, eating disorders, dissocial disorders and neurodevelopment disorders. Since time immemorial, men have been told to behave in a certain way that portrays them as paragons of emotional stability, impervious to any illness that might even display the slighte
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ON TAKING CARE OF THE BODY

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Body-"the physical structure, including the bones, flesh, and organs, of a person or an animal."  I believe that the body is the soul's driver, it is the essence of life, driving us to achieve our daily goals. Before this year, I was in the blues about "self-care and self-love". These words all seemed alien to me, of course before, I found healing through taking care of my body and mind. Maybe you might not understand what self-love and self-care entail, but they are the rather effortless practice that you might already be accustomed to.  For me, self-care entails a conglomerate of entities; both physical and mental. Below is a list of daily practices that form part of my self-care routine. * Daily meditation- this helps me center my mind and generally relax my body by releasing all muscles and ligament tension. * Daily exercise- Helps with muscular development and mental grit. * GratitudeJournaling- List down 3 things that you are grateful for throu
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